1 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,043 Sorry! it was a onetime offense, man. 2 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,610 Won't happen again. 3 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,658 Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk. 4 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:30,797 Stop! No, please! No! No! 5 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,497 I'm the Batman. 6 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:15,328 Tonight, all of Gotham again finds itself terrorized by Joker. 7 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,430 Only this time, instead of breaking the law, he's enforcing it. 8 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:25,204 Donning the costume and mocking the methods of his constant rival, the Batman... 9 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:29,782 Joker has inexplicably turned to fighting crime. The crazed catch? 10 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:34,478 It seems the offenses he targets barely qualify as crimes at all. 11 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:38,057 And as Kimberly Smith, the 78-year-old grandmother of 10... 12 00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:42,423 learned after absent-mindedly driving for three blocks with her turn signal flashing... 13 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:48,262 while the crimes may be minor, Joker's punishment of them is anything but. 14 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,468 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... 15 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,131 but why do you suppose the tribute, Master Bruce? 16 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,740 Cheap knockoff is more like it. 17 00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:02,781 But what troubles me most is that my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker. 18 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:08,046 A new strain of Joker gas. How very ghastly indeed. 19 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,461 - Joker? - Where? 20 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,501 I don't know what you're after, but you will be stopped. 21 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:32,373 The only thing I'm after, mayor, are the bad guys. 22 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:37,377 Then how do you justify what you did to three of Gotham PD's finest today? 23 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:41,351 And for what? Speeding? It was a police chase. 24 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,853 No one's above the law. 25 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:52,225 "Bill for services rendered. One million dollars?" What? 26 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,664 Crime-fighting ain't charity work, you know. 27 00:03:55,836 --> 00:04:01,138 - And if the city doesn't comply? - Then Gotham pays dearly. 28 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,867 Sorry. 29 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:11,214 I must say, mayor, of all the scum I've taken down so far... 30 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:15,713 it was your wife who disappointed me the most. 31 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,023 My wife? Sheila? 32 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,920 What have you done to Sheila? 33 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:24,730 Eleven items at a 10-item grocery checkout. She had it coming. 34 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,263 Sheila. 35 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,439 Sheila! 36 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,714 Well, well, well... 37 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,617 graffiti! 38 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,920 That's a pretty serious offense, girls. 39 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,320 But that's why I became a crime-fighter. 40 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,223 To take out garbage like you. 41 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,432 The costume party's over, Joker. 42 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,530 Joker? Didn't you hear? 43 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,366 The clown prince of crime has checked out. 44 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,305 He just couldn't take any more. 45 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,308 Couldn't take the Batman... 46 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,879 always there to thwart his latest scheme. 47 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,709 Well, it was really starting to drive him mad. 48 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,884 But then Joker thought if he couldn't beat the bat... 49 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,955 he'd be the bat. 50 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,818 Then Gotham has one Batman too many. 51 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,758 Which means one of us has gotta go. 52 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,989 My thoughts exactly. 53 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:40,823 New and improved Batman beats original recipe. 54 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,894 But that doesn't mean our rivalry has to end. 55 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,334 You see, the Batman needs a Joker... 56 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,406 someone who gives him purpose. 57 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,406 Which means if I'm going to make it as the Dark Knight... 58 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,707 I'm going to need a Joker of my own. 59 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,909 And who better a foil than you, old friend? 60 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,723 Joker venom. 61 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,592 Just the thing to inject a bit of humor into you. 62 00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:19,399 Don't fret, Batman. You'll soon make a great Joker. 63 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:22,598 Just don't forget to smile. 64 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,083 That is quite a nasty bite, sir. 65 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,887 Really, Alfred, it's nothing. 66 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:46,221 Nothing? Who knows what chemical concoction that madman cooked up for you? 67 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,461 Look, if the snake's venom was harmful, I'm sure I'd know it by now. 68 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,465 And to tell the truth, Alfred... 69 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,004 I feel great. 70 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,142 Even a bit chipper. 71 00:07:56,843 --> 00:08:00,302 Even so, we should let your lab results inform us whether... 72 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,677 anything dangerous is currently coursing through your veins. 73 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:06,251 I think the only dangerous thing you're gonna find... 74 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,649 are my cholesterol levels. 75 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,555 - Sir? - Nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke. 76 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,196 Well, I'd better get to the hospital and see about... 77 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:19,128 sneaking a blood sample from Mayor Grange's wife. 78 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,166 Sir, all things considered, until we know your results... 79 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,599 I must insist you remain in the Batcave. 80 00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:28,833 Sorry, Alfred. Right now, I'm the only hope of Joker's victims getting an antidote. 81 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,240 And besides, Mayor Grange could probably use some support. 82 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:35,606 Seeing an old friend might bring a smile to his face. 83 00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,386 I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, mayor. 84 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,022 It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce. 85 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,730 Your arm. You hurt yourself? 86 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,828 Cut myself shaving. 87 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,469 Kidding. 88 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:03,175 Yes, well, I am glad you came, Bruce. I was hoping I could get your advice. 89 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,404 Joker's demanding a large ransom, and the city, well... 90 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,879 just doesn't have that kind of money available. 91 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,777 If it means helping Gotham and easing your burden... 92 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:14,920 I can write you a check right now. 93 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,188 You... You'd do that? 94 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,158 No. 95 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,387 Yes. 96 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,558 I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce. 97 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:28,395 No, I'm being very serious, sir. 98 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,966 Are you sure everything's all right? 99 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,436 Maybe I am a little bit out of sorts. 100 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,441 Why don't we see how Sheila's doing? 101 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,751 I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking. 102 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,551 Oh, that's terrib... 103 00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,697 Bruce, please! 104 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,962 Sorry. Oh, I don't know what's come over me. 105 00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:11,171 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 106 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,205 Hey! 107 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,845 The Joker venom. 108 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:28,423 The results of the lab analysis are grim, Alfred. Very grim. 109 00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,496 It seems Joker's new venom attacks the nervous system... 110 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:35,965 and forces the body to gradually increasing fits of laughter, until finally... 111 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:41,006 Joker said he wanted an archenemy, but he didn't say a pulse was required. 112 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,243 That's rich. 113 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,742 You crack me up, Al. 114 00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,950 So I devised this antidote. 115 00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:55,520 All I need is a sample of Joker's original venom in order to complete it. 116 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:57,850 Which would require finding Joker. 117 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,356 And soon. At the poison's current rate of progress, I have an hour left to live. 118 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:08,463 And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds. 119 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:13,502 Fifty-nine minutes, 27 seconds. 120 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:17,375 Things can't get any worse now, can they? 121 00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,567 Pull yourself together, sir. 122 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:52,637 I'm sorry, Alfred. 123 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:56,077 This venom is driving me batty. Batty! 124 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,752 The Batwave. 125 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:06,282 - Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art. - Joker? 126 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,928 The crime clown has a different MO these days. 127 00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:12,725 Isn't the museum hosting a collection of priceless Fabergé eggs this week? 128 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,502 - You don't think...? - Penguin. 129 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:20,338 As much as I hate to suggest it, Oswald Cobblepot... 130 00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:24,374 will have to get a free pass tonight, as your focus must be on finding Joker. 131 00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,912 If Joker's playing Batman, he'll be there to take down Penguin. 132 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,913 I can hit two birds with one stone. 133 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,976 Get it? Birds! 134 00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,922 Good one, sir. 135 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,818 Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art. 136 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,928 This looks like a job for... 137 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,326 the Batman. 138 00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:07,948 Oh, these precious eggs are gonna hatch me a fortune. 139 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:12,157 The perfect crime. No fuss, no muss... 140 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,158 - and no... - Penguin. 141 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,655 Batman. 142 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,954 Joker? 143 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:43,816 I'm the Batman. 144 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,550 You see, the thing is... 145 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:48,125 you're not! 146 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,990 The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you. 147 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,563 Are you out of your gourd? 148 00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,359 I'm in the middle of a heist. 149 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:58,971 You don't see me barging in on your gas-all-of-Gotham schemes, do you? 150 00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,573 It is called professional courtesy. 151 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:05,075 Sorry, Pengy, but bringing down Gotham's second biggest criminal... 152 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,679 means my biggest bounty yet. 153 00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,109 Second biggest? 154 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,251 Says who? 155 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,447 - Joker. - Batman? 156 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:48,914 If it isn't dumb and dumber. 157 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:55,126 Okay, now you two are starting to creep me out. 158 00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:58,093 This is no longer funny, Joker. 159 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,158 Hand over the venom. 160 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:08,068 But you're so close to completing your evolution. 161 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,903 Well, it seems you two have something to settle, so I'll... 162 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,138 - Not so fast, Penguin. The eggs. - The eggs. 163 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,063 Yes. 164 00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:45,237 That is one expensive omelet. 165 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,445 Since I can't leave here empty-handed... 166 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,514 You do not want that, Penguin. 167 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:03,288 If you want it, Batman, I want it. 168 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:35,324 Comedy is timing, you know. 169 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:58,750 Well, now, what could it be that you want so badly? 170 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,646 No. That is not a good idea. 171 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,253 Says you. 172 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,120 Priceless. 173 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:26,469 Well, guess I'll just hang out here. 174 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,206 That's a good one, Pengy. 175 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:46,792 You know, it's funny. This situation reminds me of a joke. 176 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,294 A doctor told his patient: 177 00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:52,665 "I have bad news and worse news." 178 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:57,002 "Oh, dear. What's the bad news?" asked the patient. 179 00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:01,109 The doctor replied, "You only have 24 hours to live." 180 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:07,114 "That's terrible," said the patient, "but how can the other news possibly be worse?" 181 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,120 The doctor replied, "Well..." 182 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:19,162 I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!" 183 00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,544 That joke always slays them. 184 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,930 You really know how to squelch a laugh. 185 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,533 Stop me if you've heard this one before, Joker. 186 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,841 A man walked into a bar... 187 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,642 and said: 188 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:26,054 Good one, Batman. Said: 189 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,399 Who knew you had it in you? 190 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,868 That's the Joker I know. 191 00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,511 Hey, what's so funny?